how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
