The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
