I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
