alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
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Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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