I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
