Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
