U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
