I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was like eating out sand paper
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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