I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
