She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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