I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
