you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Say something about gay babies.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
