he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
