I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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