i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
