I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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