If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
