all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
