so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
