My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
