I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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