I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Alive.
So much puke
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
