so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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