I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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