1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
