God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
