I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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