Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
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When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
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Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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