My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
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Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
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He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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