this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
