I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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