Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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