I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
