I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want her autograph on my taint
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
