Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Rumble strips road head = magical
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
