hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
