Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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