Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need a burrito and a hug.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
