Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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