is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
