well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
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New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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