I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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