you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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