Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize