I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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