good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
