I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
