I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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