Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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