Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
