Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Randomize
