Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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