did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
