his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
