sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
