i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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