This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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