Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
