she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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