I feel like I'm in dance class right now
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We left an ass print on the piano.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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