my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
